Single and Childless at 36
I’m a pretty confidant woman. And when I want something in life, I go for it. I dont wait for people to do things for me, unless I’m being lazy. After all, it’s my life, right? I’ve done a few things on my bucket list. I travel and I go out whenever I feel like it. I’ve performed in front of hundreds on popular big stages doing hip hop or trap karaoke.
I’ve done a lot of what I want to do. Well, more travels is and will always be on my agenda. I think I’m one of the dopest, coolest, and funniest woman you can meet. So why is that I’m still single? At this point, when my family asks me that, my best answer is “God hasn’t sent me anyone yet”. That ends the conversation right there and shuts them up until the next time I see them. Of course, it’s a bullshit answer. Or is it? Why am I still single? My friends say go out more and meet people. As if I dont go out a lot. So again, why am I still single? Some say, well dont look or expect a man, it’ll just happen. I’ve been single a long time, and happy for the freedom. I’ve gone out and met men had flirtatious conversations. Or met fuckboys who weren’t about shit. So, why am I still single? I’ve been told not to think negative or else it wont happen. I’ve thought positive, I’ve thought negative, I havent thought about it at all. But yet here I am asking YOU why am I still single? I’m 36 and want my family. I’ve done alot that I’m proud of in life. I am ready to settle down and go on baecations and then a family vacations with my man and kids.
Sometimes I think I’m cursed because I was the other woman when I was 19-22 with a man that I’ll call “Mike”. Mike was 15 years older. At first he said he was 29 when he was really 36. After our second date, he told me he had a girlfriend and I continued to deal with him. I dealt with him to the point where he didnt went me seeing other people. And guess what, I didnt. But I will admit I was young and dumb. Mike and his girl are Caribbean. So in my mind, she knows how to put a hex on me and make sure I’ll be single forever.
These are thoughts that come to my mind monthly, right before my period. You know… that emotional hormonal psycho feeling you get before or during your period? Yes, this is when I dwell the most about hating the single life.
I feel like when I finally meet my man, we will travel together a few years because I wouldnt want kids right away. So let’s say that’s 4 years after me an my future man are together. (Yes I have a timeline in my head) Then I’ll have kids. By that time, who knows who old I’ll be. I’m going to be 37 in July. So if this doesn’t happen soon, I’ll probably be pregnant in my mid 40’s. My parents are already in their 60’s and I probably will not meet my Grandchild if my future kids don’t have kids in their 30’s. These are literally the thoughts that run through my mind.
I used to complain to my friends so much and everything they said annoyed me so I just stopped. Because 2 of my besties are married or in a relationship for over a decade. I keep that shit to myself.
You know what? I’m not going to stop living my life and stay home being sad. I’ll continue to go out and meet people. I’ll continue to travel the world. For now, my cuddle buddy is my cat Lola Skye. And I love her so much. I may even be a bit obsessed with my baby. And I’m ain’t ashamed! Lol
This blog will be about my inner issues I deal with as well as happy moments in my life. Someone is always experiencing something similar that they would never talk about. But I invite you to comment and let’s talk about it. It will help. This blog is my therapy. So I thank you for tuning in!