Single and Childless at 36

I’m a pretty confidant woman. And when I want something in life, I go for it. I dont wait for people to do things for me, unless I’m being lazy. After all, it’s my life, right? I’ve done a few things on my bucket list. I travel and I go out whenever I feel like it. I’ve performed in front of hundreds on popular big stages doing hip hop or trap karaoke.
I’ve done a lot of what I want to do. Well, more travels is and will always be on my agenda. I think I’m one of the dopest, coolest, and funniest woman you can meet. So why is that I’m still single? At this point, when my family asks me that, my best answer is “God hasn’t sent me anyone yet”. That ends the conversation right there and shuts them up until the next time I see them. Of course, it’s a bullshit answer. Or is it? Why am I still single? My friends say go out more and meet people. As if I dont go out a lot. So again, why am I still single? Some say, well dont look or expect a man, it’ll just happen. I’ve been single a long time, and happy for the freedom. I’ve gone out and met men had flirtatious conversations. Or met fuckboys who weren’t about shit. So, why am I still single? I’ve been told not to think negative or else it wont happen. I’ve thought positive, I’ve thought negative, I havent thought about it at all. But yet here I am asking YOU why am I still single? I’m 36 and want my family. I’ve done alot that I’m proud of in life. I am ready to settle down and go on baecations and then a family vacations with my man and kids.
Sometimes I think I’m cursed because I was the other woman when I was 19-22 with a man that I’ll call “Mike”. Mike was 15 years older. At first he said he was 29 when he was really 36. After our second date, he told me he had a girlfriend and I continued to deal with him. I dealt with him to the point where he didnt went me seeing other people. And guess what, I didnt. But I will admit I was young and dumb. Mike and his girl are Caribbean. So in my mind, she knows how to put a hex on me and make sure I’ll be single forever.
These are thoughts that come to my mind monthly, right before my period. You know… that emotional hormonal psycho feeling you get before or during your period? Yes, this is when I dwell the most about hating the single life.
I feel like when I finally meet my man, we will travel together a few years because I wouldnt want kids right away. So let’s say that’s 4 years after me an my future man are together. (Yes I have a timeline in my head) Then I’ll have kids. By that time, who knows who old I’ll be. I’m going to be 37 in July. So if this doesn’t happen soon, I’ll probably be pregnant in my mid 40’s. My parents are already in their 60’s and I probably will not meet my Grandchild if my future kids don’t have kids in their 30’s. These are literally the thoughts that run through my mind.
I used to complain to my friends so much and everything they said annoyed me so I just stopped. Because 2 of my besties are married or in a relationship for over a decade. I keep that shit to myself.
You know what? I’m not going to stop living my life and stay home being sad. I’ll continue to go out and meet people. I’ll continue to travel the world. For now, my cuddle buddy is my cat Lola Skye. And I love her so much. I may even be a bit obsessed with my baby. And I’m ain’t ashamed! Lol
This blog will be about my inner issues I deal with as well as happy moments in my life. Someone is always experiencing something similar that they would never talk about. But I invite you to comment and let’s talk about it. It will help. This blog is my therapy. So I thank you for tuning in!

5 comments found

  1. Yeah I think about it as well, but I know God has greater in store and as long as you want a family he will provide. He’s waiting on the right time. Don’t lose hope sis, your family still awaits you no matter what age.

  2. Wow, I don’t know what to say about this blog. I had no idea that you were ready for that step. I view all of you Okai descendants in the same manor.

    Their are 14 grandchildren of the late great Nii Armah Henry Francis Okai. Out of the 14 only only 5 of you are married. That says a lot, maybe viewing it from that perspective will make a difference in your eyes. And at this point everyone is of marrying age. You range from the ages from 18 to almost 39.

    What I might ask you to reflect upon would be your reasoning for wanting a spouse. Is it because you are seeking a partner that can help you elevate to a better person? Someone to lift your spirits? Or someone that you can be a helpmate to? Because I find in this day and time the youth are not conscious of the wishes of THE MOST HIGH GOD YAHWEH..

    And I say it in that manner only because initially no one is interested in what GOD stipulated. The fact that a man can have many wives and that every woman whom he beds is his wife in YAHWEH’S eyes. And as far as a woman is concerned the 1st man she ever sleeps with is considered her husband for life. Unless she becomes widowed and then and only then is she allowed to remarry and her options would be to marry the brother of her husband in order to keep the children born to the wife into his family. ⬅️ Just an FYI.

    My prayers are that you obtain a giod man whom completes you and you him. And you understand that their is more to a marriage than just having someone there for you.

    Love you eternally. ♥️

    1. Thann you Auntie. I do want a partner for life to lift my spirits, also someone to lift his spirits too. I always felt that if you are with the right one, you both help each other to grow into a better person and can be unstoppable. I feel like when I meet him, we will both be unstoppable to live a great life doing what we love.

  3. Well I pray in the name of Yahushua Messiah that all that you wish for be granted by YAHWEH. ♥️🕎

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